Shopping Cart Commotion

October 25, 2022

I have a confession to make. I shop at Costco! There, I said it! And, not only do I shop there, but I enjoy it. I mean what is not to like about all those deals, and what about those free samples? With some careful planning a person is able to get their groceries and enjoy a free lunch at the same time! There is one dark side, however, to my Costco visits…No it’s not the store; it’s the shoppers! Well, not exactly the shoppers themselves. It’s their driving habits. No, I’m not talking about the parking lot or the crazy line up to buy gas… It’s those shopping carts!

Although there are no official rules of the road when driving a shopping cart, I thought there were at least some unwritten expectations. It turns out that I am wrong. It’s madness out there. Visit your local Costco on any given day and you will witness a litany of infractions. I have started to notice a pattern. I even had developed the ability to predict what kind of behavior I might expect and I have even created a little catalog of the types of “drivers” I might expect to encounter.

First, the plodder! These people have transmission trouble. They are perpetually stuck in first gear. They usually appear out of nowhere, right in front of you, especially if you are in a bit of a hurry. And like birds of a feather, they like to plod together, moving dead slow in a line of three abreast!

Next comes the socialite. Now, it’s pretty common to see someone that you might know as you stroll the aisles. Instead of nodding or perhaps exchanging a quick greeting, the socialite insists on bringing everything to a full stop while they regale their acquaintance with a complete rundown of their extended family or perhaps a blow by blow description of their last colonoscopy. I honestly don’t mind if this little conversation happens in the stillness of a corner of cereal aisle, but no, the socialite will bring everyone to a halt in the busiest freeway leading to the checkout!

And then, there’s the non- conformist. It seems to me that the unwritten rules of the road call for everyone to stick to the right side of the aisle as much as possible. Oh, there may need to be a quick detour to the left to pick up that bag of frozen veggies. The non-conformist, however, is a different sort of beast. You can spot these as they resolutely dodge oncoming traffic as, like a spawning salmon, they fight their way against the oncoming stream. Now, maybe I shouldn’t be so judgemental. Perhaps these folks may be recent immigrants from a country where left hand drive is the norm!

Then there are the distracted shoppers, who like their road wise counterparts, insist on using their cell phones as they shop. It might be chatting, texting, scrolling Facebook. It doesn’t matter; these folks are blissfully unaware of their surroundings. Be especially vigilant at blind intersections!

Oh, and one more… The darter! These are the unpredictable ones who, spying a sale on toilet paper will barge through multiple lines without warning or apology. Suffice it to say that if shopping carts were equipped with signal lights, the darter could not be accused of wearing them out!

In spite of these hazards, I can say with conviction that I will continue to habituate my local Costco. You see it is also a place of inspiration. Just when I think that I am unable to tolerate another crazy cart operator, here comes the serene sight of a floor washer calmly proceeding among the throng. I often notice that the operators of these machines seem to exude an almost Zen-like serenity. Yes, the employees who operate the floor washing machines inspire me and restore my faith in Costco! But I do wonder, how do they respond when asked over their evening meal, “so honey, how was your day?