The Deal

May 13, 2019

"Everything is a negotiation..."
Luke Roberts

Getting fired can be a very traumatizing experience, but it didn’t bother me much. In fact, I was kind of happy about it. Perhaps I should explain…

At the age of five, I was taken for my first dental appointment. I probably was already fairly anxious about it all, considering the warnings given to me by my older brother Bruce, especially about “the drill”. Already off to a bad start, things just went downhill from there. Dr. Boyce was not one to suffer fools, or uncooperative children, gladly. Nearing the end of his career, I suspect that he had not cottoned on to that new fangled idea of “painless” dentistry! I don’t recall many of the details but I do know that there was much pain and very little dentistry. Attempts to get the dreaded drill into my mouth were unsuccessful and as the appointment continued I am pretty sure that I tried to kick the stymied man in the shins! The visit ended abruptly with him proclaiming, “I never want to see this child here again”. And so, I had been fired!

A year or so passed until my parents summoned the nerve to try again. Maybe things would go better with that new dentist in town, Dr. Deedrick. And so I found myself riding to town one morning in the back seat of our 1962 Chevrolet Belair. Dad and mom in the front seat, me in the back with rising apprehension. It must have been there that the plan started to develop in my head. Desperate times require desperate measures!

And as we pulled up in front of the dentist’s office, I realized that my timing needed to be precise. Dad and mom got out of the car and as their doors closed, quick as a wink, I pounded the lock buttons down on all four doors! Now I should add here that in those days, people never bothered to take the keys out of the ignition, so there I was with four aces in my hand. I really didn’t have a plan for what came next, however, I just knew that a minute of delay in starting dental torture was a minute of victory. And there were my poor parents, trying to entice me to open the doors. Added to their frustration, would be a good measure of embarrassment as this little drama took place on one of the busiest streets in the town.

Of course I had not read, “The Art of the Deal”, but it must have occured to me that I was in a fortunate bargaining position. I am not sure whether I suggested it first or my parents did, but ultimately, we came to an agreement. The doors were unlocked and I grudging went to my fate. Somehow I got through the ordeal. And then it was time for the “quid pro quo”. Just across the street from the dentist was Johnstone’s Variety Store. It was there that I claimed my reward: a shiny new Douglas DC-8 toy airliner. If I had not won, at least I was happy to have evened the score a bit.

And I don’t remember much about that dental visit. I guess I must have behaved enough to get the job done. Dr. Deedrick did not have to endure any bruised shins and I didn’t get fired!